


Observing Captain Janeway

by RicePips



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Guilt, Moving On, Observations, Thinking, watching a relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-16 07:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21267173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RicePips/pseuds/RicePips
Summary: Mark never believed he would see Kathryn Janeway ever again, but she's done the impossible and brought the ship and crew home.And now she keeps sliding into his orbit. Here are his observations.





	1. Deep Space 9

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Thank you for popping by! I hope you enjoy, this is very much a J/C story so worry not! :)
> 
> This is my take on the return of Voyager, viewed by Mark.
> 
> All mistakes are my own and I do not own the characters.

Seven years ago, I said farewell to my fiancé as she left on what should have been a routine mission. Five years ago, I gave up on ever seeing her again and four years ago, I got married and moved on. I also found out that she wasn't dead, but chances of seeing her ever again were slim, if not non-existent.

And then she did the impossible and returned.

The first time I see her, it’s at Deep Space 9. It’s not somewhere you’d normally find me, but there was a work conference and for some reason, I’d decided to attend.

I had no idea that the crew would still be held there. Well, that’s what I tell my wife anyway, even if it’s not entirely the truth. I’d heard snippets through friends of friends, so to say I was completely oblivious would be a lie.

Since their arrival back into the Alpha Quadrant, the news was awash with the story, not that I cared, or so I told myself. The truth was that there was some part of me that was fascinated to see what those seven years had done.

So far, the holovids have not been kind. Despite the triumphant smiles all round, when I see my former fiancé, I see the strain of seven years clinging to her like a parasite. She looks rounder in the body, though her face appears pinched in each clip, as if she is controlling herself so damned hard. I can see it though, the dullness of her eyes, the smiles that don’t quite fully light her face. She looks….haunted.

When I arrive at DS9 for the conference, we are all hurried away, certain parts of the station off-limits, no doubt due to the bureaucratic red tape that surrounds the return of the lost ship _Voyager_.

However, from Conference Room B, I can see the ship, docked in prime position but looking as worse for wear as her Captain.

It causes quite a stir amongst my fellow colleagues and we all press ourselves to the window to stare at the famed ship, little do they know that this isn’t the first time I’ve seen this vessel at such close quarters.

Two weeks prior to Kath’s ill-fated departure, she invited me to Utopia Planitia to see the brand new, state of the art ship she had been offered the captaincy of. She was beside herself with excitement and happiness, and in turn, so was I.

This was what she had worked so hard for, she deserved it.

My first sight of _Voyager_ had been a slight let-down. I’d imagined something grander in appearance, more shiny perhaps. I thought its shape was odd, but when I voiced those thoughts, Kath had shot me down with a dismissive hand and listed every piece of top notch technology the ship had to offer. I didn’t care for such things, to me, it was just another starship.

At the time, it was so new, it still had a protective coating surrounding the nacelles, it was, to coin an old phrase, “straight out of the showroom,” not that they have showrooms for such things as starships.

I’d teased Kath and said, “So, they’re letting you loose on something straight off the forecourt?”

She’d grinned, her eyes fixed on Voyager through the viewport, “Isn’t she magnificent?”

“Better hope you don’t get any scuffs or scrapes,” I’d continued. “The insurance bracket for that thing must be monstrous!”

Kath had laughed, “I intend for her to return here in perfect condition,” she’d answered. “Well, as soon as I get our first assignment.”

Now, seven years later, I looked out at that same ship and saw something looking very worse for wear, it had scars and wounds galore, modifications that did not look Starfleet standard and in truth, if you could humanise it, it looked like shit.

I wondered what the finance department of Starfleet made of it, probably only suited to a scrap yard or museum.

It was hard to concentrate during that conference, rumours spread quickly that the crew were still on the station, awaiting confirmation that they could bring the ship in over San Francisco bay as part of a welcome home parade. And then the debriefs would begin.

Sitting there, knowing she was somewhere on that station had me fidgeting throughout and when we broke for lunch, I was more than relieved.

It was as we stood in line to receive our meal that I spotted her, for the first time in seven years, saw her in person.

She was standing alone in an adjacent room, the clear glass allowing me a view of her. She was in full uniform, though it was clearly seven years out of date – obviously nobody on board had had any artistic flare and thought to improve the design over the years. Her face was set in her cold captain’s mask, but even from my distance, I could see the strain around her eyes, she looked as if she was in pain, emotional pain.

She was staring straight ahead – controlled in her actions, cold and aloof, though I noticed her eyes moving slightly. It seemed odd that she was stood alone. I watched her gaze slip again and followed her gaze. Standing a distance away was the tall, dark haired man I knew to be Chakotay, First Officer and former Maquis Captain, the man Kath had been sent to arrest. He was standing next to a blonde and very tall, slim woman wearing a silver catsuit and ridiculously high heels. I could see the remnants of implants on her temple and knew her to be the Borg they’d rescued. She was stood close to the man and they were talking candidly, heads together.

I looked at Kath again and saw that momentary slip of her face and she looked away, the pain etched clearly across her face. In seconds it was gone, replaced by the Captain’s mask and I just knew. I knew exactly what was causing her pain and I felt for her. Shit, how long had she had to endure that? Any other place of work and you could ask for a transfer…..or remove the high heeled obstacle, but stuck in a different quadrant on a tiny ship? Living hell comes to mind.

At that moment, an Admiral appeared and spoke to her, leading her away and I watched her depart, her movements carefully controlled. The sound of the Ferengi wishing to serve me my lunch brought me out of my open staring. By the time I looked back, she was gone.

I didn’t eat much of my lunch and excused myself from the afternoon sessions. I had no desire to be there any longer and certainly did not wish to see any more of the woman I once wanted to marry more than anything else in the universe.

Carla, my wife, was surprised to see me home so soon. When I told her I’d seen Kath, she stilled, her expression faltering, she seemed to be holding her breath. I knew this was difficult for her, she was no longer married to the man whose fiancé was missing in action, presumed dead. She was no longer married to the man whose fiancé was lost out in the Delta Quadrant, not likely to return anytime soon. She was now married to a man whose fiancé had returned from the dead and completed the impossible.

“How did she look?” she finally asked.

“Like shit,” I answered, pleased to see Carla relax slightly.

It wasn’t a lie.


	2. San Francisco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew are home and Starfleet want to make big on their parade....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! :)

The next time I see her, it’s only a week or so later, the big homecoming parade for _Voyager._ Starfleet want to make big on their latest triumph and _Voyager_ and her crew are the main players. Their marketing department have worked overtime to bring together the most extravagant parade with _Voyager_ as star attraction. The adverts reveal the plan for _Voyager_ to enter Earth’s atmosphere and carry out a fly past of Starfleet HQ, the excitement is palpable.

It is Carla who suggests that we go to San Francisco and be there as the ship arrives ‘home’. I feel the need to decline, but Carla is insistent.

“It’ll look odd if you’re not there,” she states. “And, don’t you want to see her again?”

“Not really,” I try to offer nonchalantly, but Carla sees through me.

“It’s fine,” she says. “You should at least talk to her, even if it’s just to say goodbye. You did tell her about us via letter, it seems only right that you speak to her in person.”

“I doubt we’ll be let anywhere near, we’re not family,” I try to reason.

“Still,” Carla shrugs. “It’s something to see, it’s not everyday something like this happens.”

So, I find myself, stood next to my wife, in Starfleet HQ, staring out across the bay. It seems that Starfleet want as many there as possible and my past association with the Captain of _Voyager _sees me bumped up the VIP list. As someone I have never seen sourly comments to me, Starfleet have invited anyone with any form of positive link to the crew, considering that half the Maquis members have lost everyone, Starfleet couldn't risk a small turn out.

"I was his room mate back at college," the unknown person says to me. "Not seen him in nearly twenty years, but here I am, VIP guest."

I can understand where Starfleet are coming from, got to keep up appearances at all costs, and nobody wants any mentions of wars, death or genocide mentioning today....

So, I guess I am here to bump up the Janeway quota and find myself stood not far from her mother and sister.

Gretchen Janeway gives me a cursory nod in greeting, but Phoebe is less polite. When I say hello to her, she merely rolls her eyes and walks away.

They never approved of me. I was never good enough for their beloved Katie. They also feel I gave up on her too quickly, I suppose in a way they were right.

The crowds in San Francisco are mental and I am grateful at least to be inside and not out amid the throngs of people all straining to get a view of _Voyager._

And suddenly, there she is. Swooping down over the Golden Gate Bridge, she is magnificent, her lights all flashing, she wheels over HQ and banks sharply right to head out once more. Whoever is piloting the ship is clearly out to impress. The ship turns back once more and heads back towards HQ before coming to a full stop, hovering in the air, the front of the vessel suddenly dips downwards, as if _Voyager_ herself is curtseying to her adoring crowds.

Everyone in the room chuckles and applauds.

“That’s my boy at the helm! I just know it!” a booming voice calls out and we all turn to see a man who looks to be literally about to explode with pride.

“Indeed it is, Admiral Paris,” says another Starfleet official. “He was quite insistent that he be the one to bring her in.”

I feel Carla watching me and I smile, “It’s a fine ship,” I say, though for no other reason than to make conversation.

Carla looks out as _Voyager_ is slowly brought into one of the few docking points at HQ. “I can’t say it does anything for me,” she comments.

We are all ushered outside then and taken to the plaza where the crew will finally disembark before taken for their debriefs.

And then, there she is. Stepping out of the hatch of _Voyager_ with a triumphant wave. She’s in full dress uniform and smiling, though again, I can see that pained expression lurking within the way she’s holding herself.

She’s followed by her First Officer and other members of her senior leadership team, all smiles and waves. I notice her First Officer is standing slightly behind her, though he’s smiling out at the crowds, searching for his family, I notice his gaze slipping back to his Captain and I feel confused, for that’s a look I recognise all too well, adoration. From the way he seems to look at her, it seems to me that it isn’t the first time he’s looked at her that way, as if he’s used to it.

I watch on as the crew disembark and find their families and feel that Carla and I are interlopers, no reason to be here, but we can’t leave now, there’s no obvious exits.

“Mark?”

I hear her voice before I see her and then there she is, in front of me, all smiles and open arms.

“Kath!” I say and we embrace. “It’s so good to see you!” She feels different and yet the same, I breathe her in momentarily before recalling my wife standing next to me. “This is Carla.”

Kathryn doesn’t even falter, she beams happily at Carla and embraces her too, telling her how lovely it is to finally meet her and how grateful she is that we have both come today. At no point does Kathryn offer me any look that could be classed as meaningful or pointed, she seems to be completely at ease in the change of our relationship.

All the time, I am aware of the man, her first officer, watching her. There’s no sign of the blonde Borg woman.

Starfleet are not ones to hang around and after a short reunion, the crew are rounded up and herded towards the building. I watch her leave, noticing how she strides ahead of her First Officer, leaving him in her wake and how he seems to sag slightly.

Carla tugs my arm and I smile down at her and let her lead me away. I have done my bit now; I can finally let Kathryn Janeway go.


	3. Bloomington

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I never expected to see her in her home town, daft really considering the size of the place and the fact it was her childhood home....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for stopping by! :)
> 
> All mistakes, as ever, are my own.

It is many months before I see her again, we do after all reside in very different circles. I hear that the debriefs come to an end after a month, it all sounds rather smooth and just, well, according to official media channels anyway, however I hear from my mother (who still speaks to Gretchen Janeway) that the Admiralty put Kath through the mill and the Maquis members of her crew were faced with arrest. My mother explains rather proudly (she always did love Kath) that the Captain of Voyager puts up one hell of a fight for her crew and rips into some of the most senior members of Starfleet with such ferocity that the rumours circulate she made one Admiral cry. I can imagine that happening.

Finally, I hear all charges have been dropped and Kath has now been made an Admiral herself. I’m pleased for her, though I cannot imagine her staying planetside for long. She always loved being amongst the stars, but then after seven years out there, maybe she’s had enough?

Strangely enough, I next see her in Indiana, more specifically, Bloomington. Despite it being her home state and town, it’s not somewhere I’d ever considered running into her, which is daft really considering the size of the place. Everyone knows everyone.

On that afternoon, I’d decided to stop off at Garner’s, just outside of Bloomington, a delightful little deli that serves some of the finest cheese this side of Utopia Planitia and intended to pick up some French cheese to finish dinner with that evening.

Standing at the selection of wines, trying to decide between a Cote de Rhone or Languedoc, a figure catches my eye. I turn and stare, as there, standing at the counter is none other than Kathryn Janeway.

She’s dressed in civilian clothing, a soft white blouse over tight fitting blue trousers, she looks more toned than the last time I saw her, her hair hangs softly around her face and she has a basket over her arm already filled with bread and fruit. She’s ordering some cheese from the girl behind the counter, her eyes gazing at the vast selection and pointing rapidly at a large variety.

I’m about to move towards her when I see someone else approaching her and I stop dead in my tracks, my jaw falling open, for the person approaching her is none other than her former First Officer, Chakotay. He’s carrying a bottle in his hands and dressed also in civilian clothing, brown pants and white shirt that enhances his skin tone.

“No Antarian cider, but this will have to do,” I hear him say as he approaches her. She turns and beams delightedly at him, her whole face alight, she grabs his arm and laughs.

“I’m sure we’ll survive!” she chuckles.

“How much cheese do you think we can eat?” he asks, taking in the sight of the enormous amount of cheese she has ordered.

“I just couldn’t decide!” Kathryn laughs, she turns to him and gazes up at him, and there’s no mistaking the look on her face as she stares openly at him with obvious love.

I take note of the way he’s looking back at her and it’s clear the feeling is mutual. “Indecision? That’s not like you, Kathryn,” he says and those words seem more loaded than they should be.

“Oh, it might take me time, but I always make the right one in the end,” she practically purrs back at him.

“As do I,” Chakotay grins.

They both laugh and she pats his chest before turning slightly and catching sight of me

“Mark!” she exclaims and moves towards me, “What a wonderful surprise? Are you alone? No Carla?”

I greet her with a hug, “No, I’m just on my way home.”

“Oh, let me introduce you, this is Chakotay,” she grabs the man’s arm and pulls him towards us and closer to her, her arm linking his. “My former first officer and dearest friend,” she continues. “I could not have got us home without him.”

I stand awkwardly, unsure of what to do with myself and feel my cheeks colouring slightly. My eyes dart towards the other man and see that he too looks just as awkward as I feel and he shifts from one foot to the other.

I clear my throat, trying to buy myself a little bit of time, but the ticking seconds mean that now we are just three people stood awkwardly inside a deli whilst the female of the group begins to frown slightly, her astute senses picking up on something.

“I…erm, we’ve already met,” I finally offer, and I see Chakotay visibly cringe at my announcement.

Kath’s eyes widen in disbelief and she glances between myself and Chakotay, “Oh?”

Chakotay clears his throat also, “Erm, yes,” he manages to add.

Kath gapes at us, her eyes narrowing slightly, “Well, this is a surprise.”

I suppose now would be a really good time to tell you about the day I met Chakotay…..


End file.
